It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
