Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
