a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize