life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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