babies were throwing up all over the place
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
