Can i not drive my cunt home
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
