'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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