the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
