I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize