By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
