she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
