I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
