dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
