I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
