Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
