It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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