i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
