This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
