I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
