how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
