Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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