How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Randomize
