She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
