I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
So many bounce houses so little time
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
