so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
