Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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