you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
