Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
