New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
