it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
