I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
