I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
