If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Randomize
