guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
