Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
