I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
