After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
So squirting runs in the family.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
