A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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