Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
