Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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