Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
