OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
