would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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