she smelled like a LAN party
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
