Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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