I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
