saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
