He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize