if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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