you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
