I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
