Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
