fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm getting married
To pizza
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
