I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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