I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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