Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
