btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
