Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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