Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize