I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
