I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize