You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
