I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
