The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
