I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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