Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
