Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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