Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
You left your phone here
Wait...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
