the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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